You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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