How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
