Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
