she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
