now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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