I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
