Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
