btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
