Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
