Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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