The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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