i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
