My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
