Swine flu. Run for my life!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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