I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
