I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
