bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
