Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
