Already got asked if we're dating
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
