I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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