Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
