apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
