So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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