you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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