it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
