Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
