It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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