there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
