i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
