Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
