beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
