Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
