I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
