Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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