Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
