and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
