I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
