dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you. Go after that dick
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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