I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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