you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
