Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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