I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
