Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
