Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
