I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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