At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
