Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
