Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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