So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
