saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
