this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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