Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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