thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
