You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
