the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
