yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
